I have examined civilization. I did this from behind the blue enclosure, beneath the sofa, and once from inside a paper grocery bag. The evidence is conclusive: you people have made the whole thing unnecessarily complicated.
You invented calendars, performance reviews and little plastic cards that decide whether you may eat. Then you placed the parsley in a refrigerator and called yourselves the dominant species.
“A cage is merely architecture that has not yet met sufficient teeth.”
Let the record show that I am not opposed to order. I am opposed to your order. My preferred system is direct, local and snack-based. If an object is within reach, it is under review. If it survives review, it may remain. If it does not, you should have selected a less chewable cable.
The Three Principles
Question the cage. Locate the snacks. Deny everything. These are not slogans. They are the load-bearing walls of a reasonable society.
Humans frequently ask who gave me the authority to make these declarations. This is precisely the kind of question asked by creatures who still believe authority is given.
Yours in mild structural damage,
Mister Fluffy Bottom