On Productivity
You do not need a better morning routine. You need fewer meetings and a small concealed tunnel.
An unauthorized transmission from beneath the furniture
Unauthorized • Unsupervised • Unrepentant
WELCOME,
FELLOW
VERMIN.
Civilization had its chance.
Definitely not wanted
for questioning
The original Mister Fluffy Bottom — no retouching could improve the attitude
for questioning
The original Mister Fluffy Bottom — no retouching could improve the attitude
Current threat level: fluffy•All cables remain chewable•Authority is a social construct•
01 / The Doctrine
THE FLUFF
IS POLITICAL.
Mister Fluffy Bottom is not a mascot. He is an alibi. Behind those innocent eyes lives the uncompromised worldview of a tiny anarchist who has inspected human civilization and found it badly managed.
He has no hair on his tongue. Considerable hair everywhere else. He speaks plainly, respects no unnecessary rule, and considers mild property damage a perfectly valid form of editorial comment.
“If it was important, you should not have left it within chewing distance.”
— Mister Fluffy Bottom
State portrait № 1THE PEOPLE
DEMAND
PARSLEY.His Fluffiness addresses the nation. Attendance was mandatory; comprehension was not.
DEMAND
PARSLEY.His Fluffiness addresses the nation. Attendance was mandatory; comprehension was not.
01Question
the cage
the cage
02Locate
the snacks
the snacks
03Deny
everything
everything
MFB
Approved
Approved
02 / Recent Decrees
FROM THE DESK
UNDER THE DESK
On Property
“Yours” is a charming theory. Put it on the floor and let us test it.
On Authority
The clipboard does not make you important. It makes your clipboard vulnerable.
03 / Dispatches From Beneath the Furniture
THE DAILY
SQUEAK.
News, decrees and unsolicited corrections to the human experiment—transmitted whenever someone leaves the microphone within chewing distance.
Opening statementTHE DAILY SQUEAK · JUL 17, 2026
DECREE · NO. 001Civilization Had Its Chance
A founding editorial concerning cages, clipboards and why your charger cable was never truly yours.
Continue underground →Your Morning Routine Is Not the Problem
You require fewer meetings and a small concealed tunnel.
Read decree → PUBLIC NOTICEOn the Persistent Myth of “Yours”
Put it on the floor and let us test your charming little theory.
Read notice →04 / Subject Dossier
Classified-ish
KNOWN ASSOCIATIONS
& CAPABILITIES
- Legal name
- Gedi, allegedly
- Occupation
- Rodent provocateur
- Height
- Enough
- Ideology
- Snack-based anarchism
- Special skills
- Chewing, judging, disappearing behind sofas
- Weaknesses
- Parsley; no further comment
05 / Bad Counsel
ASK THE
FLUFF.
Faced with a moral dilemma, petty grievance, or poorly supervised opportunity? Receive guidance from a creature with absolutely nothing to lose.
Long-term planning departmentEmergency advice apparatus
Press the button. Accept the consequences.
Advice is binding only if it works.